bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
