your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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