He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
