My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
