I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
