He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
