There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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