the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
