I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
