I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
