I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
