oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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