I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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