sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
