come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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