Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
