Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
