last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
