Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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