Kiss
Puke
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
