So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
