Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
