I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
