i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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