...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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