I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
