I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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