I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
