You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
