How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
