i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
