Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
