the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
PANTIES FOUND
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