Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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