nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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