wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
