i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
