yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
