Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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