I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
