i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
