Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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