I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A bitchslap is in order.
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