So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
