My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
