Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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