Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
