just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
