I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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