its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
